|TEXAS CHAINSAW MASOCHIST sample
Texas Chainsaw Masochist
By: Markus Fredericks
Contrary to extensive psychiatric evaluations, Todd Waddington had been misdiagnosed as a psychopathic serial killer. A true psychopath often kills aimlessly, showing no remorse, and often having no recollection of his murderous deeds. Contrarily, when Todd set his mind on torturing someone, he felt a great sense of purpose and dedication. Although his actions were considered to be psychopathic by many, Todd was actually a very compassionate guy who felt a deep sense of extreme remorse and guilt after mutilating his victims. Thus, he always felt compelled to perform acts of self-mutilation after killing his prey. That’s how Todd Waddington earned his nickname: ‘The Texas Chainsaw Masochist’.
Our story begins in a small town in rural Texas when Todd was a fifteen year old, high school freshman. He was unusually big and very strong, and he was the school’s best natural athlete who excelled at a wide variety of sports. However, he was an unpopular, ‘only child’, with a speech impediment. It also bothered him a lot when the other local kids often made fun of his father, who worked in a funeral parlor’s crematory, and to supplement his modest income, he was also a grave digger. Thus, none of the other kids ever associated with him and he had no friends.
Todd’s depression originated when his mother committed suicide for no known reason when he was just ten, and his mental condition further deteriorated last year when his PE teacher coaxed him into trying out for the eighth grade basketball team. Although he was easily the best player, all the other teammates told the coach they would refuse to play if Todd were allowed on the team…
“Oh n-n-no! Stop! S-s-stop!,” yelled out Todd when he saw Wyatt, the next-door neighbor kid, driving his dad’s tractor lawn mower.
“Woof – woof,” said Puddles, the miserable, little mutt that Todd had lovingly raised since his sixth birthday.
Wyatt had set a trap to capture Puddles, whose incessant yapping had irritated the neighborhood for years. He had dug a hole in the middle of his dad’s yard, and buried Puddles up to the top of his neck. Only his cute, little head was above ground level. With an evil grin on his face, Wyatt called out, “OK – you big idiot – watch me turn your dog’s head into fertilizer for our lawn.”
Wyatt drove the tractor lawn mower straight at Puddles. The blade-cutting depth had been adjusted to the ‘high position’, so that Wyatt would be able to drive straight over the little dog’s head.
Todd ran across the yard as fast as he could, but he couldn’t get there before he heard Puddles briefly yelping a final death cry. A moment later, Puddles entire head had been turned into bloody mulch. Scraps of dog meat splattered the rapidly approaching Todd, as he charged straight at Wyatt. Todd landed a perfect, flying body tackle and wrestled Wyatt down to the ground.
“I’m gonna k-k-kill you,” said a stammering Todd with a dead serious look in his eye.
An uncontrollable rage set in, and Todd launched a ferocious attack on his dog’s executioner. However, there were no traditional punches and kicks thrown. Instead, Todd resorted to tearing the flesh from Wyatt’s face by fish-hooking his fingers into Wyatt’s mouth and yanking hard to rip his lips and cheeks from his face. Next, he leaned forward and bit his nose completely off. The badly bleeding, terrified Wyatt tried to beg for his life, but the adrenalin laced Todd ignored his garbled mutterings as he let go of his facial flesh, and went to overturn the tractor lawn mower onto its side. While the blades of the lawn mower were still spinning, Todd grabbed Wyatt’s head and slowly inched his face towards the spinning lawn mower blades.
“Oh God, no!” were Wyatt’s final words as Todd slowly ground off Wyatt’s entire face into the rotating, blades of death. After fully half of his head has gone, Todd finally let go of what was left of Wyatt.
Moments, later, a thoroughly blood-soaked Todd was overcome with emotion, and he openly wept while tearing out handfuls of hair from his scalp. He felt terrible about what he had done, although he felt that Wyatt had given him no other choice. Overcome with guilt, Todd inched his own face closer and closer to the over-turned, tractor lawn mower. With the blades still spinning, he mutilated his own face by sticking his face forward into the spinning blades. The tip of his nose flew off, and he sustained several deep lacerations to his forehead. Although his injuries were severe, they still were just deep flesh wounds. Seemingly impervious to physical pain, a bleeding Todd slowly staggered back home…
An emotional Todd gazed over his mom’s grave site behind their house. His father, Lucas Waddington, had dug a grave for her out back when she committed suicide. A small, homemade, wooden cross was stuck into the head of the grave with the simple letters, ‘R.I.P.’, fading as the years went by.
Since his mom passed away, Todd had lived with his father and his dog, Puddles, in their ramshackle house – up until minutes ago when Wyatt executed his dog. Now, he would live a lonely life with his gruff, unsociable father.
“Say, boy – whatcha done did to yer face? Crazy boy – let me clean ya off, and throw some bandages on ya. Ya sure as snot know I can’t ‘ford no doctorin’ fer ya, and ya know fine and dandy that we ain’t got no ‘surance’.”
Lucas led his blood-soaked son to the bathroom, and asked him to sit down on the toilet lid. While his dad dressed up his wounds Todd said, “W-W-Wyatt kilt Puddles.”
“You don’t say? Well, I never did like that neighborin’ scum puppy. I sure as hell hope ya beat the livin’ tar out of his ass.”
“P-P-Pa… I k-k-kilt him,” replied Todd.
“Goddang it, boy, now yer gonna be in a heap o’ trouble. Thank God almighty yer mom ain’t aroun’ anymore to see what a fine mess yer in. I ‘spose the cops will be payin’ us a visit shortly.”
Soon thereafter, three police squad cars and an ambulance showed up to the neighbor’s house with sirens blaring.
“There’s no use in hidin’ over here. Follow me, boy. It’s best you fess up to what you done did.”
By the time they walked over there, the medics had quickly come to the conclusion that Wyatt was certainly dead. His father was doing the best to console his wife, and Wyatt’s sister, Denise.
The police looked up at Todd and Lucas. Todd looked like a mess since he still wore the same blood soaked clothing and half of his face was wrapped in bloody gauze.
Lucas stepped forward and said, “Let me ‘splain to y’all what happened. That there sumana bitch, Wyatt, done buried my son’s doggie, Puddles, neck deep into the soil, and then he done ran over the little mutt’s noggin with his pa’s lawn mower. Todd here freaked out, and he tackled him so hard, the goddamn, tractor lawn mower done toppled over. The two kids had a mighty tussle, and the Wyatt boy accidentally got his mug ground off in them there spinnin’ blades. As ya can see, my boy got his face plum caught up in them sharp-ass blades as well.”
“I’m Sheriff Tanner. I’ll write up a full report on this here incident, but seein’ how messed up your boy is, I suggest he catch a ride in the ambulance to the nearest medical facility.”
“Just how much is that gonna cost me?” asked a budget-conscious Lucas.
“Taint gonna cost ya a dime,” replied the sheriff. “The governor of Texas will be much obliged to cover these expenses.”
… And so the ambulance hauled off Todd to be stitched up at the local hospital.
The court hearing was scheduled to happen right after Todd’s facial wounds healed up. He was not charged with murder, but he was sent to reform school for initiating the altercation, and the judge suggested that Todd get a psychiatric evaluation…
The doctor at the clinic stitched up Todd’s forehead lacerations and bandaged the chopped off tip of his nose. When his dad was informed that Todd’s face could use reconstructive, plastic surgery, Lucas said, “Taint happenin’ ‘less I get lucky nuff to win the state lottery.”
Thus, ever since mutilating his own face on the tractor lawn mower blades, Todd lived his life with a rather monstrous looking face…
After a quick court hearing, it was determined that Todd Waddington would be sentenced to a reform school outside of Lubbock, Texas. He was to remain in custody until his eighteenth birthday, about three years hence.
The facility for wayward teenage boys resembled a prison from the outside, but it had almost dormitory-like rooms on the inside. Todd was assigned to share a small room with a nice-looking, reasonably normal kid named, Cody Hanson.
Cody had been admitted to the institution about two weeks earlier. He was an above average student, but he had Ophidiophobia – a natural fear of snakes. A heartless, high school classmate of Cody’s thought it would be fun to see what would happen if he stuffed a medium sized, garter snake down the back of his shirt as a crude joke.
The cruel kid laughed like a devil as he watched a panicking Cody twirling around in frantic circles as he literally shredded the shirt while yanking it off. The snake harmlessly slithered away into the bushes, but a freakish, fit of rage set into the usually docile Cody. Moments later, Cody charged at the boy and hit his face with an intense flurry of punches. He continued beating on him well after he was unconscious. His knuckles were badly hurt from the onslaught – he still had bandaged hands when Todd first met him at the reform school. The judge had sentenced Cody to only a three month stay at the facility.
Cody was decent, outgoing kid, who actually tried to be friendly with the monstrous-looking Todd. It didn’t seem to bother Cody that Todd avoided most conversations due to his speech impediment. A couple days later, a young, flying, black crow accidentally crashed against their room’s window pane. Cody rescued the injured crow by carrying him inside.
“Hey Todd, would you please help me hold this bird still? He has a broken wing. I think I can set the broken bone in place. We can use a short pencil as a splint. Keep him motionless while I wrap some tape around the pencil to stabilize his wing.”
Although Todd hated most people, he was an animal lover. He eagerly assisted Cody to help the poor bird. After successfully helping the injured bird, Cody placed him inside a cardboard box with a lid. Todd cut out a few small holes in the side so that the poor bird could breathe. Cody rounded up a small dish which he filled with water, and placed it inside the box with a few crumbs of bread for the bird to eat.
“Todd, hopefully the bird will make a full recovery, and can fly away to freedom in a week or two, but you must keep this project of ours a secret. The school warden does not allow any pets of any kind in here.”
For the next couple of days in their spare time, Todd assisted Cody in taking care of the recovering crow. Todd rarely spoke at all, but he was quite interested in the crow. For the first time ever in Todd’s life, he felt a sense of friendship. However, everything changed drastically when the school warden stopped by their room for a surprise inspection…
The school warden was Walter Payne. He was a burly, tough, macho guy on the outside, but he had a secret history of disciplining his young male inmates by forcing them into a variety of sexually abusive acts...
“Boys, what the hell do you have in this box?” asked an irate Mr. Payne.
A concerned Todd stood quietly while he let Cody do all the talking…
“Sir, this crow happened to break his wing when he accidentally crashed into our window. We carefully set his broken wing bone and secured it by using a short pencil as a splint. We think he’ll be able to fly again in a week or two. He seems to be making some progress.”
“Cody Hanson, you know that we have strict rules here which includes a ‘no pets’ policy.”
“Sir – he’s really not a pet at all. We’ll be releasing him to the wild again as soon as he heels up.”
“Boy, don’t you dare sass back at me. I make the rules around here, and I say, ‘no pets’, under no circumstances.”
The warden used his walkie-talkie to call for additional backup. When two armed guards showed up, he instructed them to toss the bird outside at once, and to help him handcuff Cody and Todd with their hands behind their backs.
Todd remained silent, but he felt his breathing quickening as an inner rage was welling up inside.
“OK, guards – we have some punishment to deal out to these two scoundrels. Lead them to my private little room in the basement.”
Cody hung his head while tears ran down his cheeks. Todd just glared at Mr. Payne with rage in his eyes as they walked down a flight of concrete stairs.
The tight, empty room was lit by a bare, hanging light bulb. A lingering smell of mold and mildew permeated the grim-looking room. Both boys expected something bad to happen when the second guard bolted the door shut…
“OK, boys,” said Mr. Payne, “the only way you’re going to learn some discipline around here is for me to administer some proper punishment. That way you’ll never even consider breaking any of my rules again. Now, get down on your knees – both of you,” he shouted.
Cody quickly dropped down to his knees, but Todd remained standing upright until a guard struck him behind his knees with a billy club. Mr. Payne yelled at Todd, “Boy, when I tell you to drop to your knees, I goddamn mean it,” and he landed a hard, slap to Todd’s face.
Next, the warden directed his attention to Cody. He said, “OK, pretty boy, why don’t we start with you?”
The disgusting, vulgar Mr. Payne unzipped his fly and took out his penis and started to stroke it. Once he got his member fully engorged, he yelled at Cody, “OK, boy, you suck my dick now – or my guards will literally beat your ass to death – and you there, monster boy – I want you to watch and learn how this is done, since you’re going next.”
Tears of pure horror freely flowed down Cody’s cheeks as he opened his mouth to service the abusive warden. Todd was kneeling down next to them – he knew he was in a terribly bad position with his hands in cuffs behind his back, and two armed guards present to back up the sickening warden…
After several minutes of oral abuse, the warden let out a disgusting grunt as he exploded his load into the back of young Cody’s mouth. He withdrew his pulsating member from the poor victim and looked at Todd…
“Boy, you’re such an ugly bastard – you’re going to have to suck extra hard, but don’t worry – I saved plenty of juice just for you.”
Todd was still kneeling when the warden positioned his dick right in front of Todd’s monstrous face. Todd opened his mouth wide and lurched forward, and in an instant bit Mr. Payne’s penis right off. As he spat out the bloody sausage onto the floor, the warden let out a horrifically loud scream. The warden fell down to the cold basement floor – writhing and jerking like an eel on an electric plate.
Todd sprang up to his feet and managed to incapacitate the first guard with a powerful kick to the groin. However, the second guard managed to draw his revolver and shot Todd in the chest. However, with his inner rage at full throttle, Todd ignored any sensations of pain. He ran straight at the gunman, leading with his head. A hard, flying head-butt, shattered the guard’s nose. With his hands still in handcuffs, the enraged Todd took turns stomping on each of the guards’ heads until their skulls were pulverized into a bloody mush. Once Todd was certain that both of the guards were dead, he turned his attention to Mr. Payne, who was moaning on the floor, in a pool of blood with his hands covering his crotch. The still enraged Todd knelt back down and proceeded to bite chunks of flesh off the warden’s face until nothing was left but a bloody skull.
When Todd noticed that his friend, Cody, was now more afraid of him than the warden, his rage subsided. Todd began to openly weep himself over the carnage he had caused. Overcome by his masochistic tendencies, he began to hurt himself by head-butting the steel door over, and over, until he knocked himself unconscious.
A thoroughly frightened Cody managed to get up and unbolt the door with his hands still behind him in cuffs. As soon as he was able to open the door, Cody ran back upstairs to get help…
After a short stint in the hospital to extract the bullet from his lung, Todd was relocated to a different juvenile retention facility outside Abilene, Texas. The courtroom granted Todd Waddington leniency regarding his slaying of the warden, Walter Payne, and his two accomplices, thanks primarily to Cody Hanson’s testimony. It also strengthened their case when other previous inmates testified about the sexual abuse which happened often at the reform school near Lubbock.
However, the judge wanted no possibility of a similar occurrence happening again, so he ordered that Todd spend his remaining two and a half years of time in solitary confinement. The judge’s recommendation that Todd receive extensive counseling for his extremely aggressive behavior was ignored on account of tight budget constraints.
During the ensuing two and a half years, Todd Waddington became progressively more anti-social and withdrawn. His only attempt at forming a friendship with Cody had ended very tragically. Todd’s father never once paid him a visit – not even during the holidays. His only companion was a wild rat who came to visit his cell daily. Todd shared his food with the rat and he named him, ‘Ratso’, after the Dustin Hoffman character in ‘The Midnight Cowboy’. However, after several months of daily visits, Ratso suddenly stopped coming. Naturally, Todd’s depression became even worse…
“Hey, Todd – today’s your eighteen birthday,” said the guard. “Your father is picking you up in an hour. You’re free to go home.”
Todd thought to himself, “Yeah! I’m finally out of this prison, but I’m not too crazy about seeing my dad either. He never once came to visit me.”
Carrying only a small bag with a few items of clothing, Todd Waddington saw his father, Lucas, standing by the gate. His father looked significantly older than he did three years earlier. He face was more wrinkled and his hair was grayer. He looked skinny and emaciated, but he sounded just the same…
“Gee, boy – you musta been eatin’ yer Wheaties for breakfast. You’re bigger than a house. I hope I can ‘ford to keep ya fed. I’m broke dick, so I ‘spect ya to git a job ‘fore too long.”
“Hi, p-p-pa,” was all the conversation that Todd was up for during their two-hour car ride back home…
Todd was glad to finally sleep in his old bed, but he had grown so tall now that his feet protruded over the end of the bed. He was glad to eat a giant bowl of Texas chili, which his father made from his mom’s old recipe.
“I ‘spect ya to wash up all them dishes. I’m headed outside to chop down a dying apple tree that’s hangin’ over the neighbor’s chain-link fence. Ya know – we got sum new family livin’ next door. It’s the Pickens family. They’re your typical, white trash sorta family. I’m not hog-wild about their teenage son, Bud. He shaves his head like a skinhead, and he’s covered with body-piercings and tattoos. Besides, I think he’s a goddamn dope dealer. Well, anyways – the previous owners, ‘specially Wyatt’s mom, couldn’t stand livin’ there no more after you turned her boy’s head into a pile o’ ground chuck.”
As Todd washed the dinner dishes, he heard his dad revving up a big, gas-powered chainsaw in the distance. He watched from the kitchen window as his father began by cutting some of the thicker branches. Next, he watched his dad stooping forward to cut the tree trunk which was nestled up against the chain-link fence.
Suddenly, Todd saw his dad’s chainsaw jerking backwards. The loud sound of the chainsaw was instantly replaced by a loud scream of agonizing pain. Todd abandoned the dishes to go see what had happened…
Todd ran fast as he saw his father lying on the ground. The closer he got, the more detailed became his vision of a horrific accident. Lucas was gushing out blood from the side of his neck and shoulder area. His father’s hands quivered as he was rapidly going into shock. Todd knelt down to try to comfort his father, but after getting a good look at the gaping wound, Todd knew that his father was dying. While clutching his father in his arms, Todd glanced at the chainsaw on the ground. Apparently, the tip of the spinning chainsaw got caught in the chain-link fence, and it kicked back violently at the side of his dad’s neck.
The new neighbors quickly called for an ambulance, but Lucas bled to death before help arrived. As the team of medics loaded up his father’s corpse into the ambulance, a gloomy-feeling Todd grabbed the gas-powered chainsaw, and slowly walked back home…
The next day, there was an unexpected knock on the door. A rail-thin, guy in his thirties with an overbite introduced himself, “Hey, you must be Todd Waddington. I’m Kyle Puckett. Your pa used to be our grave digger, and he operated our funeral parlor’s crematory, but seein’ as your pa’s now dead, well, I figure he ain’t gonna be able to dig his own grave. So, Todd, I came here to offer you a job. How d’ya like to take over your pa’s position? It don’t pay much, but we could sure as hell use a helpin’ hand. ‘Sides, you can get some on the job traini’ by crematin’ your very own dad. So, what d’ya say to that offer?”
Todd silently pondered about his future for a moment. He knew there was no cash to inherit from his dad, although he knew he would surely get to stay the ramshackle house. His frightening looks made the prospect of future ‘job interviews’ seem futile. So, Todd extended out his right hand and said, “I w-want the j-j-job.”
“Hot dang! Why don’tcha come with me to the morgue? I can teach you how to cremate a body. You see, there’s actually two stages to the burnin’s – first we ‘pre-burn’ him down to the skeletal stage. Next, you get to pulverize his bones once they get brittle from the heat. It’ll have a more personal sorta touch, seein’ as the stiff belongs to your own pa, and all. You won’t be needin’ to dig no grave for him, since burial plots cost a heap o’ money, but for sure you can take your pa’s ashes back home with you – or if you really don’t give a hoot, you can always just flush him down the toilet. ‘Course, that’s all up to you.”
Todd laced up his shoes – and he was off to begin his first day of work…
Since deaths weren’t particularly frequent in his small, hometown in Texas, most of the time Todd’s new job kept him busy with minor cleaning duties around the cemetery grounds. This included disposing of deteriorating bouquets of flowers when they became wilted, and picking up an occasional candy wrapper or dog poop droppings. Todd didn’t mind receiving minimum wage – he was just grateful he didn’t need to go for a traditional, job interview. After all, with his nightmarish looks, Todd certainly didn’t have the ‘corporate-executive look’.
His supervisor, Kyle Puckett, was by nature a highly-sexed pervert – although, technically he was still a virgin. The goofy-looking, skinny Kyle had never managed to seduce any living lady, so all his sexual encounters had been with girls who had recently died. In other words, Kyle was an outright necrophiliac.
One day, Kyle was particularly excited when his straight-laced boss, Elmer Higgins, gave him the following news…
“Hey, Kyle – I need you to do some overtime work tonight. You need to prep out a new stiff so the mortician can embalm her tomorrow. The purdy, lil’, blond thing’s waitin’ for you in our morgue. It’s a cryin’ shame for someone to die so young. Her name was, Daisy Harper, a teenage cheerleader from Ridgeway High. Apparently, she kicked the bucket from a drug overdose a couple nights ago. Her body was found in the bushes alongside the road, not far away from Todd’s house. She’s got some twigs and bunch of bugs nesting inside her. I need you to wash her body real good.”
“You got it, boss,” answered Kyle while rubbing his hands in glee. “I’ll be much obliged. I’m gonna wash out ever lil’ nook an’ cranny of hers.”
“That’s sounds fine and dandy,” replied Mr. Higgins. “My old lady told me to be on time fer supper, so I’ll let you lock up when you leave. Say, what’s our new hand Todd doin’?”
“Todd’s out yonder diggin’ a grave. He ran into a bunch o’ nasty tree roots, so I reckon he’ll be busy fer at least a couple more hours.”
“That’s fine, Kyle. Jus’ make sure ya clock him out as soon as he finishes with his chores. See ya later…”
As soon as Mr. Higgins left, Kyle double-checked to make sure that Todd was busy. Although Todd was working a good distance away from the building, Kyle could tell that he was laboring hard to cut through some thick, underground roots.
An excited Kyle called out, “Well, Miss Daisy Harper – ready or not, here I come…”
Kyle was accustomed to the stench of formaldehyde and rotting flesh. Instead of being repulsed by the lingering aroma, he was enthusiastic to meet his new girlfriend. Kyle had never had a real girlfriend, so he liked to pretend that his cadavers were still alive by engaging them in some conversation…”
He began by undressing the young, dead girl lying on the work table. Kyle spoke out to her as if she was alive, “Good afternoon, Miss Daisy. Allow me to introduce myself… My name’s Kyle, an’ I’ll be at yer service. Good golly, did anyone ever tell ya that yer the finest looking piece of ass I done ever seen? Yer a real honey, but ya seem kinda lonely today. What’s the matter? Been havin’ boyfriend trouble lately? Well, you can tell that sumana bitch that you ain’t needin’ his services no mo’. Afterall, now, ya got yerself the best stud in all of Texas. Ya see, I’m gonna give ya the royal treatment. First, I’m gonna shave that fuzzy snatch of yours so that it’ll be smooth as the day ya was born, and then I’m gonna wash out all of them nasty little crevasses of yours before I give ya the best sex of yer entire life.”
Kyle fetched a razor and a bucket of warm water with a sponge before he disrobed himself. He parted her stiffening legs, and stuck a playfully, probing finger into her for a moment before he proceeded to shave her bush.
“Girl – I want you to just relax while I buff out that purdy lil’ twat of yours.”
Kyle positioned his excited member by her hand and said, “That’s right. Don’t be shy. Ya can feel my manhood if ya like. As ya can tell, my ‘Uncle Wiggly’ definitely likes what he sees.”
He kissed her mouth as though she was his loving girlfriend, and then he inserted a gob of Vaseline into her snatch. Kyle climbed up on top and eased himself into her.
“Ooooh, yer jus’ the way I like ‘em – tight an’ white. I jus’ ain’t into them colored girls, although I’d be up fer sampling some Asian sushi.”
The morgue door was slightly ajar. Just as Kyle was ready to explode deep into her, he looked up and noticed Todd staring straight at him.
“What in tarnation’s the matter with ya, boy? Are you some kinda sicko? D’ya like to secretly spy in on two people makin’ love? Jus’ get the fuck away from me. After I get dressed in another half an hour, me and you gotta have a serious talk.”
Todd didn’t like what he saw, but he didn’t want to bite the hand that feeds him either. He just grabbed a broom and swept up the hallways for almost an hour until Kyle called for him, “Hey, boy – get your ass in over here. We need to have a lil’ man to man talk.”
Todd set down the broom and entered the morgue. He could see the naked girls’ body lying on a table – now that she was cleaned up, Todd recognized her. He had seen the pretty blond visiting the neighbor’s house a few times – probably to buy drugs.
“Todd, go on an’ set a spell,” said Kyle as he brought out a sharp, buck knife. “First, I wanna tell ya that I can either be yer best friend, or yer worst enemy. I know yer twice as big as me, and probly five times as strong as me, but I ain’t no slouch when it comes to handlin’ knives – and this here sucker is my great equalizer.”
Todd sat and listened respectfully, although he still disapproved of Kyle’s sexual antics…
“Ya see Todd, I’m ‘bout to open yer eyes to a brand new world ya probly never woulda ‘magined otherwise. Look at my skinny ass – in the real world, I ain’t nobody at all. Hell, the only real reason I fucks dead chicks is the sorry fact that no live ones would gimme the time o’ day. I often get bullied by groups of tuff guys, an’ I can’t do squat about it – even with my trusty knife, if there happens to be a bunch of them, since I ain’t got nobody to back me up. However, everything is totally different within the walls of this here funeral parlor. In here – I am God. If I want sex with any female body they bring here, I know she’ll never turn me down. ‘Sides, this place literally lets me get away with murder. Once, I happened to get into a scuffle with some total stranger in a road-rage incident. I ended up carving him up like a Thanksgivin’s turkey, but I never got in no trouble – and Todd, do you know why?”
An interested Todd answered, “N-n-no.”
“That’s ‘cause I took his slashed up body, and incinerated the hell out of his carcass in the cremation chamber. Police never even think of looking for murder victims in a morgue, since all the stiffs end up here anyways. We got so-called DNA evidence from hundreds of bodies all over the place. This here funeral parlor gives us a carte blanche to do anything we wanna do to whoever the heck we don’t like, and when we’z done, we just incinerate away all the evidence. I ain’t never had the privilege of havin’ a pro-tee-shay before, but ya got more potential than anybody I ever seen. The only thing ya gotta do is to promise to keep yer trap shut when it comes to me havin’ a lil’ romance with one of my girlfriends from time to time. So Todd, do we have a deal?”
Before answering, Todd looked over at Daisy Harper’s body. In a stammering voice he said, “I know h-h-her… She got her d-d-drugs from my n-n-neighbor, B-Bud P-P-Pickens. I h-hate him. He should d-d-die.”
An elated Kyle extended his arm out to shake Todd’s hand. “Well, alright dude – let’s shake hands on it, pardner. I got a great feelin’ that me an’ you is gonna make a helluva good team. Tell me some more ‘bout that neighbor boy of yours – I think we’ll make him our first victim.”